Confessions of an Ex-Carsalesman

When I was in auto sales,all too often customers did not want to hear the truth but would rather be sold.  A customer would come in and say I want to lower my car payment and drive something more conservative. After showing them the inventory for less expensive vehicles and how they were not as visually stimulating to the customer, they opted for plan B.

Plan B was a higher payment for a longer term meaning they would be in debt much longer than the previous loan they were originally paying.  This was a mystery to me at first. Other sales people would look at my sales and marvel. How is it you are able to pull this off Kai. We try convincing people to buy what they say they want but you always end up selling customers something flashier and more expensive.How do you do it?

My response to the othersales people was simple. People say things and do another. Never listen to what people tell you they want. People will lie to themselves. The bigger the ego,the easier it is for them to lie to themselves. People want to feel good about their self-image and would rather risk going broke than to live practical and below their means. It is extremely hard for people to live outside of social pressure. A car is an extension of people’s beauty. It is the chariot they spend most of their time in. The ego will rather kill that person than bear the responsibility of living authentically and pragmatically.

I’ve had couples fight tothe point where I would ask the husband, “are you really going to let her force you into that minivan when you and I both know when you pull up to your construction site, you will be the laughingstock of the entire crew”? This customer made his wife walk home with their small child approximately 3 miles from our dealership. He stayed until after midnight and bought the truck he wanted.

I was really good at playing to peoples egos. It didn’t matter if you were black, white, racist orgay; everyone is vulnerable to what the ego wants. Cars are one of the worst financial investments anyone can make. If a vehicle can drive you from A to B with minimal problems, it’s done its job. You don’t need to spend 10, 20, or 30 thousand dollars to accomplish this feat.

Today I apply the same perspective when observing society at large. We’re all full of crap listening to this political banter or that talking head saying Obama is the worst president to walk the earth. Knowing full well there is no way this country would elect a black president unless the powerful corporations we all purchase from wanted him there. Few people seem to question the power of the corporate elite. Instead they question the politicians. How foolish! Don’t you realize that there are powerful people beyond the white house controlling policy? To own up to this reality would mean taking responsibility and compromising ourdaily comforts starting with boycotting some of these companies to put them out of business. But we as a society won’t do that. We want to look cool and blame others for our misfortunes.

Support our troops! (Who we fully know are protecting Dick Cheney and Halliburton). What about the war on terror? Yes there are Muslims living in caves planning a multibillion dollar operation to blow up America’s prime real estate in the heart of NY. Come on…..! Our troops are protecting drugs in the Middle East. Now many troops are unaware of this and some are. I'm not passing judgement on them. Many of us are aware of this but will we won't voice this? They won’t take our guns from us! You fool;don’t you realize a drone can drop a bomb on you faster than you can load your mag with nonpolitical backlash? We don’t want to focus on the real issuesbecause that would require getting dirty and losing our quality of life.

How did I get from cars to politics? Because at the root lies the problem. The root is we don’t want to change. We would rather have someone else lie to us and make us feel likethings are changing. As long as people follow this line of thinking, carsalesmen and politicians will always have a lucrative job.

Weeds

This week, for some reason, I attracted some weeds. When you are outgrowing people and circumstances, you will find the weeds trying to grow in your garden. Your garden is your life and it has a cycle just like everything nature. The weeds will grow with no effort or maintenance required.  This inevitable ability to grow with no effort is what I call, life’s inevitable reality.

In the pursuit of becoming a mixed martial arts champion, I trained at a school with some elite wrestlers who received much more attention than I did. For three years I experienced new faces coming in and getting coaching attention, when I was shoved to the side. The new faces were neither elite wrestlers nor were they better athletes than me; they simply fit the social demographic easier than I did. Not fitting in was my crime and reason for being alienated, not a lack of talent or skill.

Now, my schedule has opened up and I’ve started fighting. I’m knocking people out and promoters are taking notice. When I attributed some credit to one of the coaches at my former gym, who is also, not on the inside, the gym went on the defensive and verbally attacked me on Facebook. The gym (which will remain nameless) is run by uneducated individuals lacking moral sophistication and common sense with regards to treating the public with equal respect. The individuals running this gym are weeds and sooner or later, they will be plucked out of existence by the natural course of life. You can’t mistreat the public and get away with it forever. Sooner or later Karma has a swift and hard blow.

The hardest part of the journey is maintaining focus on continuing to water my garden as opposed to watching the weeds grow. The weeds are a constant distraction and when your journey involves overcoming odds and digging into your personal reservoir of discipline to calm your ego and behave in a professional manner, retaliation is always making a legitimate argument at your door. I wrestle internally with wanting to publically call these people out. But I won’t, instead they will remain nameless and I must focus on winning with the strategies that are fit for consistent success.

When you have to overcome insurmountable odds, being your personal doubt, logic, the closest people to you, your co-workers and society at large, mental toughness and hope or faith are all that you can rely on. If the path still says go, then go. If the path temporarily says stop, push beyond it. Tell life no, this is really what I want. Not with some emotional push but with subtle persistence. Subtle persistence is the most valuable assets you can acquire in pursuit of a long term goal.

When I started on my journey, I was told by people in the UFC, it would take me 5-7 years and that I would have to retain my athletic ability well into my 40’s. Imagine wanting to start training to be a fighter at age 32 and having to mentally wait 7 years until you are 39 just to start. It’s crazy! But yes I am crazy. I’ve got nothing better to do and I would rather die trying than work a boring job or live a life incongruent with which God created me to be.

Never give up when the weeds pop up, never! They are as I said before the inevitable. Focus on your goal and how it will make you feel. My goal includes my family so there is more to share and enjoy than my own personal gratification. If your goal is to lose weight or retire early….whatever, it helps to benefit someone else. It’s a law that nature rewards more than an individual victory.

Champion Grappler

• I literally am walking on cloud 9 right now. I just lost the State Grappling match to the current Champion in my division. Our match lasted over 30 minutes and I walked away smiling and hugging the guy. (I'm a hugger) Why you may ask. I was able to be happy with my performance without being emotionally attached to the outcome. Winning requires the experience of loss sometimes in order to appreciate it.

I appreciate the supportive comments I received in posting this experience on Facebook.  I have included a few of these comments below:

Murray Barker Amen Brother. Great and rewarding experience too.

 

CoreyCub Keller You're a better man than I am.

 

Dennis Espinoza Only way to go, people that attach self worth to externals have a rough go of it in life.

 

Tracey Scalise Well said!

 

Amber De'Toles It was a great match--very exciting to watch! From the repeated take down attempts to the attempt at a wet willy! The evolution of your attitude and level of composure during competition has contributed to your success and your development as a professional fighter. I am glad you can enjoy the execution of the skills you are working so hard to master in a sport you love so much.

 

Laurie Shitdisturber Smith You are a true warrior!!

 

Wade Alexander it was a pleasure to watch...and a pleasure to cheer you on!

 

Ed Doyle REALLY good stuff Kai!! The greater the struggle the more glorious the triumph...

 

 

New Beginning

After my last fight, I took some time to reflect on where I’m pointing my compass and who I want to surround myself with for the next step in my journey. I don’t want to suffer a loss in order to be reminded that I need to constantly be making improvements in my training and my personal environment. That being said, I knew I needed a new head coach and training partners with better skills in certain areas that I naturally am good at. Why focus on areas I am strong in? Because for the past seven years I have trained and competed in areas of mixed martial arts that I am weaker in.  It’s now time to focus on my strong suits.

Through the right circumstances I found a new gym, head coach and manager. Fortunately, I have earned numerous national titles in jiu jitsu and depending on the MMA camp; I can walk in at the top of the food chain amongst fighters with this skill set.  This success and my dedication to becoming a mixed martial artist and not merely a cage fighter allows me to keep pace with the most talented fighters in the Valley.

The new gym is called One Hit MMA and the head coach is a Brazilian, named Aldo Oreggia. He is a former world champion kick boxer who is going to take my striking skills and my career to an entirely new level.  Not only is Aldo highly skilled, but his fighters are loyal to him and have been with him several years.  Fighters can be fickle, so this is a true testament of his ability to coach and lead a team of fighters.  Fighters also remain loyal to a coach when they are making improvements and meeting with success in competition.

Even though I won my last fight under my former coach, he and I lacked chemistry.  The journey to being a champion is multi-faceted. If one of the ingredients for success is missing, you must be prepared to move on.

The list of ingredients is lengthy, but based upon my experience, some of the most important ones are:

1.       Synergy with your coach—a champion needs to feel like the he and his coach are co-conspirators in bringing out the very best there is within him.

2.       Trust and autonomy with training—a champion needs the freedom to train outside of his base team with experts in other disciplines as well as with other athletes that provide practice with areas of the fight game that team sparring partners might not.

3.       Ability to create a personalized support team—a champion’s team is those whom he attracts as well as those whom he feels contributes to his success.  A champion’s team is not based upon the team at the gym or the team the head coach trains.  

When I fight, my corner support includes my wife, my head coach and maybe one additional team member or special focus coach that I feel I will need to perform at my best. I determine who’s on this roster in collaboration with my wife and my head coach.  It might sound selfish but fighting is a selfish sport.  In the end, it’s only you and your opponent in the ring— toe to toe.  You want the best minds to have been with you in your fight preparation and for those minds to be the voices and the energy supporting you when fists and legs are flying.

4.       Diversity in my training environment—this ingredient is extremely personal to me as I grew up in the Bay area of California.  I was surrounded by people of different cultures, ethnicities, religions, beliefs and ideas.  Unfortunately Utah is dominated by gyms whose coaches, staff and fighters are not used to being around people of color.  They saw me is the stereotypical black man that the media has been so keen in creating over the past several decades.  No coaches and only a few fighters took the time to get to know me as an individual or had the paradigm to include me within the “inner circle.  Little do they know that I am an immigrant from West Africa with a completely different cultural background and life experience than that of black America.

Fortunately, One Hit MMA is diverse.  From its head coach, to its gym members and fighters diversity is represented.  Further, even the gym’s white athletes are more forward in their thinking and have all reached out to get to know me as an individual—not a label.

I’ve studied world champions and they don’t have a bunch of cage fighters in their corner. Nor do they keep changing coaches. They seek out specialists and maintain the same coaches for a long period of time. I wanted to wait until my skills were at a level where I could walk into any gym and be noticed for the time I’ve put into this sport and the skills I have acquired. It looks like I found the coach, manager and team at One Hit MMA.

This was my first pro mma victory. In 2011, I lost my pro mma debut against who many consider the best light weight contender in the State of Utah, Clay Collard. Just 19 years old he grew up wrestling and had 8 years competitive boxing experience. I learned that being competitive in mma requires not just athleticism but proper preparation. I took a year and a half off to gain competition experience in grappling, wrestling, kick boxing and find a coach/agent that would help me build a successful career to the bigger shows. Starting out as a fighter and the best local fighter being your first fight was my luck of the draw. I wasn't going to leave my career to luck anymore.

At first, I was apprehensive about posting my fight videos. My MMA Coach and I agreed that if the information gets out, other fighters can scout me and see my tendencies.  After careful prayer and meditation, I realized that FAITH not FEAR, is my guiding compass. At some point and time, when my goal is realized; people will know my game anyway. The object is to get better at what I do best and minimize what I don't do well.

If this fight were based upon a body building competition I would have won at the weigh ins. That being said, I'm not underestimating anyone. My opponent had 4 or 5 fights to my 1. The one I lost was to the number one light weight contender in Utah whose name is Clay Collard. I would have beaten him in a body building competition too. But looks can be deceiving....

I'll be posting my other fights and some training videos here shortly so you can see the evolution of my training and investment.

First thing this morning my strength and conditioning coach wakes me up with a phone call.

How's your weight and are you following the diet program I assigned you. This is the type of

coaching I appreciate. Someone trying to win with you not someone who takes

credit when win and blames you if you lose. Winning is a team effort and I'm glad Michael

Andam is on our team.